We all need someone

No man is an island entire of itself, 
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.

John Donne, (1572-1631). Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions and Severall Steps in my Sicknes - Meditation XVII, 1624


    No person, male or female, is expected to get through this life successfully without help. In general, people do better when surrounded by good people. Proverbs 13:20 (NLT) says, "walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble." Further, 1 Corinthians 15:33 reminds us "do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”" Humans crave interaction and relationship and will be drawn to good character. Be a good friend.

    To be a good friend, keep your promise or don’t promise at all. Be honest with your words and actions. No one likes harsh or mean people. (Some people act mean but really they haven't realized the beauty of peace inside. Give them some grace. Maybe your example will show them the peace they crave.) Continue learning and growing so you can teach others the better way. Make for yourself some judge-free friendships and safe spaces. Seek out wise counsel and get a dependable support system of your own.

    What is a support system? A support system is best summed up by saying a group of people you can turn to when your life gets hard. Maybe you need help with paying a bill, you need to vent, or you need someone to proofread your work proposal. These and many more situations can be handled by your support system. What else is a support system good for? Imagine you have a vehicle accident - your car is a total loss. Most of us don’t have another car we can pull out of the garage and drive. What if that insurance check doesn’t quite cover the full amount of the loan on the now unusable vehicle! Do you have someone in your life that you can rely on to help get back and forth, search for a new car, and help you make good decisions about it all during the emotional aftermath?

    Support systems take time to build. Be selective on who you ask to be a support for you. Feel weird actually "asking" someone to commit to being a support for you? You may not have to ask. Often times people know this comes with being a good friend - not just an acquaintance. Others, like a mentor, need to have the ground rules set and a mutual understanding is best so neither is offended when one questions or is corrected. 

    Some folks are honored you chose them and feel it’s a blessing to help - others - not so much. To those others, it may be an extra burden you are asking them to carry or they are just uncomfortable giving advice that may be wrong. Maybe they love and respect you and desire to help you grow; but, they just don't have any more time in the schedule or they are emotionally tapped out. Each of us has problems. Some of the problems are more obvious than others; but, we are all dealing with something. I would rather have someone tell me no rather than trying to fake it and adding to their problems and possibly my own.

    Support systems need to change. You should be growing and adventuring and making better and better decisions as you move through life. Some of the people you once agreed with may not agree with you anymore. If possible, you can still be friends; but, sometimes people drift apart. Some get married and the single friends either feel left out or like a third wheel. Some folks with kids don’t understand how someone without kids just doesn’t “get” them. Don’t force anyone to be on your team. 

     Emotional support from friends, family, and therapy groups can be invaluable. However, I caution you that humans cause and take offense easily. These relationships will need to change to accommodate those factors. If you can no longer trust someone to keep your secret a secret - you don’t have to completely cut them out of your life. Just stop telling them secrets! 

    People talk. A good rule is if you don’t want it repeated; don’t even say it out loud. In Ecclesiastes 10 King Solomon tells us, “Never make light of the king, even in your thoughts. And don’t make fun of the powerful, even in your own bedroom. For a little bird might deliver your message and tell them what you said”. (NLT) In addition, Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."(NIV)

    Some people only talk to you to get fodder for gossip. It may be the most interesting thing in their lives or they feel it somehow makes them important to be able to tell the business of others. So, if you don’t want it retold, don’t tell it in the first place! Tell it to God. He already knows about it anyway. By knowing He isn’t going to tell, you can feel free to open your heart and listen to Him for options. Examine your thinking. Take time not to rationalize your actions but to examine them. Ask yourself the hard questions. You already know the answer, you just don't want to admit it most of the time.

    Use your support system to help you make better choices and learn to do things differently. Give them permission to call you out and hold you responsible when you have not lived up to the high standards you have set for yourself. Be the highest standard. Let others set their standards low. You deserve better. You are better. When that person asks, "You think your better than me?!" You respond with, "I am kept to a higher standard." This can start either a discussion of why or what keeps you to that standard allowing you to share a bit of your faith in Jesus... or it may start an argument. 

    Either way, try to be gentle in your answer and remember - We are all struggling with something, even if our life looks perfect. Many emotions come out as anger. Don't let their emotion overwhelm your good sense. One thing my dad tried very hard to teach me is to walk away. It never quite stuck, sorry Dad. But even the foolish are thought to be wise if they shut their mouth! (Proverbs 17:28)

No person can do life alone and do it well. We all need someone.

In God's Love,

Me - the Mom

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