The House Rules

Hi! Welcome back!  I feel like I need to give some background on this one...

I function better within boundaries.  I think most people function better when they know the rules.  How can you win the game if you don't know the rules?  What if someone cheats?  What if you bend the rules...you know, just a little?  I have found through the harsh experience of living, I prefer solid right or wrong.  I tend to overthink things.  For instance, the other day I was thinking about fasting.  You know, the time when you choose to go without food or something you find pleasurable in order to focus on God.  (See Matthew 6:16 - when you fast... not if - when.)

I was wondering, "if I drink unsweetened tea does that break my fast"?  So I go back and forth trying to hash this out in my brain until I just literally throw up my hands and say, "Lord, what's your rule?"  After a bit more (calm) research, I can say, I know what I do when I fast.  Having this settled within myself gives me confidence that I am doing what my heart says is right to do.  One other thing my heart says to do, is to have "that house".  

Hubs and I decided we wanted to provide a safe place, an accepting place, a place to get a snack and some truth.  A place no matter what.  A place for the just in case.  We have opened our home to different people over the years.  Most folks who came over were polite and well behaved - as set out by the commonly accepted rules of American society.  A few times, though, we had to explain specific rules.  We finally took the time to think it out and write down the basics.  If we have someone who is coming over for more than a day or so, they get a copy of the rules.  So, here ya go. 

Now, you don't have to agree with these rules.  You don't have to abide by these rules.  Mostly because you are not currently living in my house!  But, I do feel you need to have your own rules.  Writing down your rules forces you to think about what you will and will not tolerate.  Even basic rules (rinse out the bowl before you just leave it in the sink) can help you to better manage your home.  People will learn when they are in your home, there are things you will not say or do.  Everyone knows the boundaries and that can be comforting.  

When others know your rules, it gives them the freedom to function confidently within those parameters.  This can be especially true of short or long term guests.  Your expectation of their good behavior may not be the reality.  Setting the situation up for success by letting the person know your rules can help so neither of you will be offended or caught off guard.

The Word of God is basically a book of rules we can choose to follow.  He doesn't force you to follow His rules; but, you may not be living in his house either.  We are expected to follow His rules if we want to abide in His house.  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15)

So, make some decisions and write down your expectations.  They will change as time goes on; but, it will give you a good start.

In God's Love

Me - the Mom

House Rules

Definitions

Honor God honor - to hold in high esteem, to keep a commitment to

Check questions: Does this decision allow sin/evil to enter my life?

What would Jesus do/think/say/act?

Is this in line with what I believe?

Will I have to justify this to make it acceptable?


Integrity - the quality of being honest and having moral principles, not divided  (not having a divided mind, committed to)

Check questions: Will this decision damage my integrity?

Will this decision damage my family’s integrity?


Generous - showing a readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected

Check questions: Have I taken care of all of my needs and responsibilities?

Is this generous (in love, words, deeds, time)?

Who will this bring glory to? (God or me? Do I want to be noticed because I did this or am I not claiming the glory for me)


General Expectations

  1. NO smoking, spitting, vaping, or littering on the grounds, please

  2. Church - attend, be involved, give time/talents/financially  (James 2:18)

  3. Work - land a job, work that job, be a positive influence in that job, don’t make them sorry they hired you (2 Thessalonians 3:6-12, Proverbs 6:4)

  4. Celebrate Recovery - attend, get into the next step study, commit to trying (be truthful about trying), find a sponsor/accountability partner (Matthew 5:3-12)

  5. Contribute to family and society - tithe, rent/food/utilities, time/talents (2 Thessalonians 3:6-12, Proverbs 6:6-11)

  6. Save - for the future, for a vehicle, moving out, emergencies  (Proverbs 6:8)

  7. Short term achievable Goals with date (maybe 6 months out)- who, what, when, where, how, how many (W W W W H Hm) (Proverbs 29:18)

  8. Long Range Plan with measurable steps (more than 6months) W W W W H Hm  (Proverbs 29:18)


Family Expectations

  1. God first, family 2nd, yourself 3rd, then everyone else (if you live alone move you up to 2nd and family to 3rd. Make sure your rent and bills are paid in case you are needed to take care of your family.  If you are not well, you cannot help anyone else get well.)

  2. Keep trying, keep chugging, one step at a time

  3. Seek help before you hit frustration, learn your limits

  4. Take care of yourself so you can build into everyone else’s life as a positive influence

  5. Work to keep or build trust of family and mentors

  6. Desire to be a functioning part of the family - if you don’t want to be here, act right, and be a contributing part of the family - leave

  7. Protect and uphold the integrity and honor of the family in both words and actions

  8. Constructive criticism - we all will fight, you are expected to fight fair

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